welcome to

Tales and images from the Kingdom of Reflective Pomposity

Preface

By Captain George Mainwaring, KC, JC, BP, MP
(No, not that one)

Almost thirty-five years ago, two writers, Colin Bushell and Eddie Teach (not his real name) set out on a long journey to discover the whereabouts, the wherewithal and the where-the-hell-are-we concepts associated with a realisation that we may or may not be our true selves, or just a manifestation of the reflections we see in mirrors.

It all began in Swinnerton’s Café in the King Street Mall, Hammersmith, West London. It was a Tuesday, about 11.32am; so theoretically a little too early for lunch and a little too late for breakfast. Still, there they were.

Alongside a wall-long mirror, one of them said, “What if they are real in there, and we are actually their reflection?” It – like most of what followed – made no sense. However, buoyed by a motivation that may have been influenced by illicit substances, they decided to resign from their jobs, and set off an adventure around the world in search of what life would be like, if we didn’t accept everything the way it had always been written or shown, or drawn, or carved into stone, or scraped into a wall, or spoken, or mimed, or  demonstrated using Auslan (although, typically, Colin and Eddie believed that to be a character in The Lion King).

Anyway, I digress.

What followed was the creation of a multitude of stories: some insightful, some preposterous and some downright nonsensical. The creation of these stories, and the detail of their ongoing travels was documented through the medium of diary entries. The entries revealed an initial exuberance for the idea, but were soon replaced with fear and loathing; and they never even reached Las Vegas. The paranoia and acrimony that began to permeate all of their writings reached a head in northern Russia.

“Eddie was crushed – glacially slowly, so slowly, in fact, that he was able to write two novels and a libretto – by the Academy of Sciences Glacier on Komsomolets Island in Severnaya Zemlya.”

Colin vanished for several years, with only scant clues as to his whereabouts, although there was a suggestion that he had joined the circus and was performing with penguins in the small town of Pak Nga on the edge of the Nam Ou River in Laos.

That is until now.

I recently received a package with more diary entries, and more Mirror World stories. They keep coming and I have decided to document them here. It appears that Colin has started his Mirror World quest up again. The fear and paranoia appear gone and he is free to continue his journey of… something! The journey this time began in Brisbane, Australia and he has a new companion, Bastian Bierenbroodspot, a young artist who is bringing Colin’s bizarre observations into some sort of focus.

As to whether it will last, you must read on, for my contribution will be limited from this point on, with perhaps some interspersions at a point where the journey – almost inevitably – goes off at a tangent.

In the meantime, sit back and enjoy; if that is at all possible.

The Diary of a Leafcutter Ant, Aged 13¾ (weeks)

The leafcutter ant (no hyphen), of the tribe ‘Attini’ (a phrase stolen by the Ewoks in Star Wars Episode VI), is a type of ant (not surprisingly) found in the Americas, but not Canada (unless that soon becomes part of the USA!). It cuts leaves, carries them back to the nest, and cultivates mould, a bit like in The Last of Us.

Yellow Nigel – How to stay safe during a volcano

In 1982, Channel Nine Brisbane commissioned a new show to compete against the British Children’s TV show, Blue Peter. Blue Peter had showcased education, arts, human interest stories and travel since 1958. The new idea, Yellow Nigel, came from the mind of producer, Barney Duffy, who felt children were becoming way too soft and needed toughening up. The following is from the pilot that never made it to air. The presenters were: Baishe Bower, Leslie Odell and Jackie Crawford.

Moby-Dick; or, The Whale by Hermann Melville

You know, if there is one issue with Moby Dick; it’s the use of the word ‘spermaceti’. I just don’t like it. The dictionary describes the word as, “A waxy solid obtained from the oil of cetaceans and especially from a closed cavity in the heads of sperm whales and used especially formerly in ointments, cosmetics, and candles”. That may well be, but I can’t help thinking of… well, you know what I’m thinking of.

Pablo Picasso: Car Thief

These days, the Spanish town of Malaga is more synonymous with bawdy British tourists expunging the benefits of twelve pints of lager, complaining that the breakfast isn’t as good as their Mum makes, and attempting in vain to reach Gloria Gaynor’s high notes on the -traditional English pub karaoke night.

Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens

In an asinine world of literary flatulence, there’s a new kid on the block; and his name is Dickens, Charles Dickens. In what can only be described as a first; we have a debut novel that cavorts down the oiled slip and slide with all the artistic elegance of a three-legged hippopotamus with gout.